Edward Owen – Author

Monthly Archives: June 2013

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Werewolves Aren’t Just for Christmas

So my editor posts on FB a question about werewolves and I made a very humorous reply as I often do and it got me to thinking. Horror fans by their nature have an affinity for supernatural beasties, but how cool would it be to actually have one in your life? I mean, Bella was in love with a werewolf AND a vampire… And had sex with one of them… Ack! Sorry, started to puke a little. I keep forgetting I’m Twilight intolerant. Redirect…

So, let’s think about this from a practical point of view. Let’s talk about the proper care and feeding of werewolves since a. They’re my favorite monsters and b. They started this stream of consciousness. So we have what amounts to a large dog that can walk upright (notice the avoidance of the word erect? Some of you have the sense of humor of a 12 year old and you know who you are.) seems cool… But… You can’t find a flea collar big enough to fit them and the poop? OMG, it would make Sauron’s orcs toss cookies. Don’t you dare ask who that is… Unforgivable. Not to mention that werewolves aren’t werewolves all the time. Imagine yours turns human and you find out it’s Mr. Hennessey, your high school gym teacher. And now he’s naked in your living room. And no, being a werewolf has not depleted his beer belly, quite the opposite. Go on, ponder the visual, I’ll wait. Now you know how I felt a minute ago when I mentioned Twil… Not gonna do it again.

Feeding a werewolf is easy as they will eat anybody anything. The are very useful for disposing of relatives, neighbors and/or coworkers you find annoying. Do be sure they finish the job or you’ll have another werewolf on your hands. This happened to a friend of mine and now his ex wife hunts him down every full moon. Makes PMS look like a trip to Disneyland by comparison. This brings up another good point. Not all lycans are created equal. Lycus lunas is your run of the mill specimen; human except during a full moon. They may waver one day either way, but for the most part they’re pretty consistent.

The next breed is lycanus reactus. Their change can be brought on by high levels of stress as well as the full moon. Oh, yeah, remember what I said about PMS? Imagine your ex at 350 lbs with 3 inch claws and 6 inch teeth. Reactus females can wreak havoc on your life so stick with a male… Unless they’re a politician or postal employee.

The third and by far most difficult breed to deal with is the lycanthropus maximus. They can turn at will and seem to prefer their wolf form to their human. First of all, feeding them is horrendously expensive unless you have a lot of enemies. Second, since they are rarely human, bonding with them can be a challenge. There’s also the danger that you could end up on the dinner menu. As cool as it is to brag about having a maximus, the extra headaches usually aren’t worth it.

Better off starting with a lunas and see if you’re a ‘wolf person. Not everybody’s up for the challenge. The shelters are full of lycans just waiting for a good home. I mean, sure, they let them out to go to work and school and apparently to the NSA and Homeland Security, but come the full moon their pitiful faces will be howling and snapping in their cages. It just breaks my heart to think about it. So if you’re lazy and self centered (i.e. you’re last name is Lohan or Kardashian) maybe you should try a zombie instead. You don’t want the ASPCW knocking on your door. The moon will likely be full and it won’t be pretty. Until next week Dear Readers, scary full moon, howling dreams.

Bribing you to commit: for everyone who subscribes to my blog, I will have a drawing this month (July) for a free download of the audio book version of “The GAME” narrated by Mike Hacker. Make sure you post a comment so I know to put your name in the hat. If you link back, I will put your name in again. Remember, you have to subscribe to be eligible. And yes, if you’d rather have the ebook, I will send that to you instead. See how nice I am? Thank you for your support.

Write Now, Right Now

Greetings from the mighty Freeway Flyer on another perilous journey to Los Angeles. I’ll be honest, I had no idea what to write about until I got to the word ‘perilous’. Sometimes the Muse works like that.

The three of you that read this blog know it is often constructed during my morning commute which begins at 4 dark thirty. Why? It’s nearly an hour of relatively quiet uninterrupted time. Also, I tend to be at my most creative first thing in the morning. (I hear you laughing, putting fingers in ears and humming la la la la la …. ) OK, it’s not exactly Pulitzer material but I AM WRITING. That’s what counts. That’s what writers do. It may not seem like much, after all, there’s no plot, no character development and no story arc. It has more to do with the discipline of putting out a weekly blog and getting the words down. A writer/blogger I read regularly is Kristen Lamb. She posts a new blog EVERY DAY and still writes books. (You can read it here) Granted, she’s a stay at home Mom, but the mom part involves a preschool age child. We all have our challenges. If you’re going to write, then do it.

A lot of people like to hide behind the excuse of ‘Writer’s Block’. Sorry, no sympathy here. OK, maybe the Muse isn’t being particularly cooperative with a plot twist. Write something else, like what a bitch your Muse is. (Probably not the best idea if you ever want to be inspired again, but it’s your choice.. and your problem) Point is, write about something, even if it’s why you can’t think of anything to write. That’s what it takes to be a writer. Pretty simple when you look at it like that. Now, get busy and write something, even if you think it sucks. You’ll get better. Until next week, scary typewriter dreams.

Tools of the Trade: Scrivener

My apologies for not posting last week. Life got the better of me and I found myself ill prepared to deal with everything. It happens. Working on getting caught up, but for today, at least there is a blog post. Small victories.

If you are an author in any genre and you have not checked out Scrivener, you owe it to yourself to do so. Published by Literature and Latte, Scrivener was designed to help writers get words on the screen/page. Period.

If you’ve ever written a novel, screenplay or other lengthy work, you know how difficult it can be to keep all your research notes and various versions of you beloved WIP organized. I’m a big computer geek; I can whip up folders and files like nobody’s business but even I found it frustrating to keep track of everything, not to mention switching between all the files. Scrivener solves this problem by keeping everything at your fingertips in an area called ‘the binder’.  Photos, websites, character and setting sketches are neatly organized right below the pages of your manuscript. This is especially handy if you are writing a number of books in a series. All your notes on recurring characters, not to mention each individual manuscript are readily accessible at the click of your mouse.

With Scrivener’s search function, you can locate any specific text string across your entire series of books. There are far too many features to list in one blog post, but you can try the fully functioning program free for thirty days. You’ll love it and wonder how you ever got along without it. There is a set of tutorial videos that make learning a breeze. www.literatureandlatte.com Available for both PC and Mac. Yeah! Until next time, Dear Readers, Scary typing.